L'Entrevue

Last week my cursed telephone finally began to ring in response to résumés I've recently sent off. I interviewed for a job as a secretary at an advertising company on Thursday. Not, obviously, what I want to do- but I thought I'd show up for the interview and see where we went from there. The manager was super young and apologized for the thundering noise coming from the adjoining room- they were building a gym on site. They also offer ski passes to their employees- not so bad, I thought. The following day, I got up early and dragged myself out of bed and made the long trek to the Old Port. I arrived at the office and was greeted at the door by your typical middle-aged Québécois man, M.St-Pierre. He smiled and said 'Ah, Bonjour Debbie!' - not a good start. Turns out I dragged myself out of bed and all the way down there for nothing. He meant to call Debbie Bolton for an interview, but somehow called me instead (he said because Bogue and Bolton are so similar). He interviewed me anyway- and succeeded in becoming the most frustrating interview I've ever had. He asked me why, as an actor, I was applying to work as a receptionist at his télé-production company. Like any good actor, I'm quite adept at lying. I blathered on about wanting to see how things work on the other side, learning the ropes of the administration side to further my goals of one day running my own theater company. And blah blah blah. Of course, the real reason is because ACTRA is on strike and this makes it difficult to convince an agent that they should take you on. And because I have yet to perform in French, I have no French demo, and thus cannot acquire a French agent. Blah blah. So M. Le Québécois, looking over my cv with squinty little eyes, asks what makes me think I'm capable of multi-tasking since none of my jobs have required this skill. I sort of laughed and said, well- I do have teaching, management and waitressing experience. He stared at me blankly, and without missing a beat he said he didn't see how any of those jobs involved multi-tasking. Another glance over the page and he proclaims that I have too much leadership experience to work under someone else. He doesn't think this will work, and by the way- you're being very quiet, how is your French? Quiet? Hmmm... perhaps, sir, because you keep interrupting me to tell me your interpretation of my position, which frankly I don't care to hear. Of course, instead I just smiled and said "M.St-Pierre, je parle très bien français." He went quiet. Gave me an outline for a letter and asked me to write it in French, then in English and then I could go. A test, he said, of my creativity and written skills. I wrote the letter and stormed out of the office and up the street back to the metro, ranting silently the whole way. Of course, he was right- why would I want to work there? And I do have too much leadership experience (and intelligence) to work for a man who completed the interview by inquiring as to fluent I was in Mandorin. My face blank and confused, he had repeated the question- and finally it clicked- "They speak Korean, in Korea," I said.

Back home, my head throbbing from the frustration of the job hunt and damn it, how hard it is to be content when you're so darn smart. I spotted a posting for a temporary teaching position at a private school. I have an interview tomorrow, and hopefully if all goes well, I should be teaching next week. I just can't sit on my ass anymore. I'm about to lose my mind.

Koreans Love Their Juice

I was unable to find my favourite Korean commercial, which features a newly wed couples skipping around their brand new 'smart home', then at the end make a cutesy heart with their hands and exclaim 'Samsung!'. This one is a close second though. The commercial is for pomegranite juice.

In Contemplation of Flying Bananas...

Not to re-ignite any mind-numbing arguments from my theatre school days, but really- what is art? Montreal artist César Saez has determined that an enormous floating banana is an art installation. He recently thrust said banana into the skies of Mexico, with the intention that it will rest over Texas. In an interview with Montreal weekly magazine, Saez acknowledged the inanity of the project, but noted that Texas was lacking in flying bananas. No word yet on how US authorities will deal with a giant banana entering their airspace, although I would personally love to see them shoot it down. Just to compound the absolutely ridiculous nature of the world in which we live. That would be art.

The Banana Over Texas project was funded by the Government of Quebec and cost an estimated one million dollars.

I'm taking a poll here- check out the website and tell me here... What's the verdict on the Banana Over Texas project? Art, or as we actors call it- artistic masturbation?

http://www.geostationarybananaovertexas.com/

Yet Another Way to Capitalize on Low Self-Esteem...

The Hooters corporation has finally clued into the money to be made in South Korea. The social taboo on discussing sex and the acceptance of extra-marrital affairs ensures that the latest American export will become just as successful as McDonald's. Finally all those beautiful Korean women who have spent a ridiculous amount of time and money dieting and getting nose jobs will have a place of their own to flaunt their low self-esteem. Thanks America!

Rather than sliding Hooters into a low-income area as they are in North America (or at least, in my experience with Canadian Hooters), the corporation is trying to pass this off as an important piece of American culture that Koreans NEED by placing it in the upper-class area of Apgujeong. Currently the Apgujeong area is known as the Rodeo Drive of Seoul and houses all the big plastic surgery clinics, within convenient walking distance of Hooters. The area is also home to the city's most expensive gym, the Louis Vuitton store and Seoul's most expensive department store- and for proud Albertans, a Big Rock Brewery Pub. And so begins the moral take-over of Korea. As though Korean women didn't have enough challenges...

North Korean Account

North Korea

Many people have asked me about the sentiments of the Korean people towards their Northern neighbours. I have tried my best to make sense of it for those who have asked. Korean society is a reflection of their families. In a restaurant, the middle-aged man serving you is not a waiter, but ajossi. The woman, adjimma. These terms are equivalent to uncle and aunt in English. Min-Su (16) used to tell me that he wouldn't lock up his bike because it was an insult to the Korean people- an implication that he believed someone would steal his bike. It revealed a distrust towards others- a distrust that is necessary in Western countries to keep you from being robbed blind. In any case, I often use this as a metaphor to explain the relationship between North and South. Though they may be divided, they are still Korean- part of the same family, sharing the same history, culture and language. Older people probably have very different views on the situation than their children. It is hard to believe that the country was devastated just over fifty years ago. The growth is a testament to the work ethic of the Korean people (or insanity, as I came to call it). Nowadays, it seems that young people worry more about the impact the instability on the peninsula could have on the strength of the Korean economy. In any case, my point was this- I stumbled on this account of an American-Korean woman who had the chance to meet her Uncle and his family in Pyongyang. Those who have spent time in Korea will be hit hard by this I suspect, it gave me chills. Check out Ann Kim's photos of North Korea as well.

South Koreans banging the reunification drum in Paju, South Korea

Castro's Anus

I was waiting to find an appropriate moment to use this picture, and I have finally found one!




I have been mocking this sign for months- since I first passed by on my way home from work one day. Anal reconstructive surgery? Were people really so vain that there was a demand for anal beautification? Was I jumping to conclusions by assuming that reconstruction meant cosmetic? Probably, but it's funnier that way. So for many months, I've pondered how to comment on the Seoul Anal Surgery Clinic and gradually, it became a faded memory. But tonight I sat watching The Daily Show and it all became clear. Fidel Castro, Cuba's reknown dictator has been in and out of surgery to fix some problem with his intestines or something.

"A second operation to clean and drain the infected area was conducted. Doctors removed the remainder of Castro's large intestine and created an artificial anus. But this operation also failed, El Pais said... A prosthetic device made in South Korea was implanted in the bile duct and failed..."

So there you have it, folks- Castro's anus brought to you from Mok-Dong, South Korea...

Compromise

Much to the frustration of my family, I've never been big on compromise. My father particularly, was often extremely frustrated by my inability to meet him, or anybody else half-way. Then again, I can't say that he was ever big on it himself. In fact, now that I think about it- no one in my family is particularly good at compromising, except maybe Travis (the baby of the family). Tyler was the worst. If he didn't feel like doing something, there was nothing in the world that could convince him. I remember being furious with him in high school because we had planned to go see a movie together, but when the day finally came, Tyler was content sitting in front of the TV and decided not to go. I was so angry with him, but try as I might, nothing would coax him from his place on the couch.

Lately I've been contemplating my inability to comprimise myself and whether or not it's really just another way of shooting myself in the foot. I've been back in Montreal dangerously close to two months now and still find myself frustratingly unemployed. Fred is urging me to cave and find myself a shitty call center job. I've considered it- for the time being, but the thought of returning to that environment literally brings tears to my eyes. I don't know how anyone does it. The eight or so months I spent working at Affina were the most miserable of my working life. I just can't do that again. I've begun sending out résumés for receptionist positions, which I'm hoping might hold me over until the new school year starts and I can be assured a teaching position. Despite the fact that both my boyfriend and my bank account are threatening (in not so many words) to stop speaking to me, I really don't feel I can bend on this issue. I'd sooner go back to Korea. Unfortunately, the question of Asia is complicated by Fred's imminent kidney/pancreas transplant. Obviously I want to be here when it happens, and though I would like to say I'll be on the first plane home, reality is that it still may take a few days to get everything organized. The transplant could happen tomorrow or a year from now. We have no idea. So my mother's looming Calgary question is still demanding answers. Not that I'd have necessarily better prospects there, just that the crappy job I'm forced to take will pay much better there than it will here. Or perhaps I can learn to hold a hammer and call myself a construction worker. I'm sure they're doing well in Calgary at the moment. Anyone with jobs to offer-- you know where to find me.

Living in Distinctland

Well, shit did not hit the fan with the declaration of the 'nation québécois' as I had expected. Or at least, hasn't yet. Keep in mind, we are still having to live under the rule of our beloved Liberal leader Jean Charest for another year or so... I don't think we'll see the full consequences of the declaration of the nouveau nation until the Parti Québécois is inevitably re-elected to clean up the mess that the Liberal government made (yet again). Federalist voters have it bad in Québec- a vote for the Liberals is a vote for a united Canada, but unfortunately they just aren't fit to be in the running. A vote for the Parti Québécois is a vote for sovereignty. And so begins my ode to this frustrating place called Québec.

Some of you may have been privy to my rants on eccentricities of Quebec. Like the government branch set up to okay the name you propose to give your child. That's right- in Quebec dumb children's names like Apple or Idaho or Rainbow just don't fly. Well you might be able to get away with it in English, but in French, it's a definite no-go. Or the Montreal city by-law prohibiting orange garbage bags. Topping the list, of course, is the Moving Day phenomenon which was actually the subject of a BBC documentary. For those of you who aren't aware, Moving Day (strangely coinciding with the federalist holiday of Canada Day) is when all the leases in the city of Montreal end, we fight over moving trucks and snake our way ever so slowly through the streets in the scorching heat to dump all our belongings at our new home... which we first saw six months ago. A close second is the infamous Bill 101 - the language law that has left many English Montrealers bilingual and most French Montrealers sadly unilingual.

Recently the renaming of Park Avenue (which quietly celebrated it's 124th birthday today) has been drawing a great deal of attention here. The current mayor, Mr Tremblay, has decided, for no apparent reason, to rename this historic street after Robert Bourassa, formerly the Premier of Québec. Most of the city disapproved of this move, even the Bourassa family, who suggested that St Joseph be renamed instead, since this was where Bourassa lived. But Tremblay wouldn't hear of it and so off the proposal goes to the Provincial naming police for a final rubber stamp. Ironically, I recently discovered that the names of the metro stations are protected by the historic society. So we will hold onto the name Guy-Concordia metro as though it's something special, as we say good-bye to Park Avenue.

I've finally gotten some clarification on how to go about applying for a teaching position in Quebec. It sounds fairly simple, I'm sure, but when a province has laws about signs and names you can rest assured that it's never an easy feat to have anything to do with a government body. It seems that in order to teach English as a second language- now get this, I have to prove my competency in French. So soon enough I will be locked in a room with a Bescherelle I haven't opened since grade nine and test my knowledge (or memory, more appropriately) on the passé composé and infinif tenses. AHHH!!! Amazing how I honestly believed that I would never need to know it... Thanks Bill 101!

The Job Hunt

It's not easy to settle back into life in Canada. Nothing about it is easy. I have to repress the desire to scream at people who wait to be tipped for the bad service they provided. I try not to think too much about how we're being absolutely gouged here by big corporations, and we accept it. But there's one thing I'm having a lot of trouble getting passed- the frustration of finding a job. Here's the thing- when a bilingual, University graduate with management and teaching experience is finding it next to impossible to find a job that doesn't involve french fries, I feel there's a problem. I hate to sound like a princess- I know countless people have had the exact same frustration. But I just can't hack it. The idea of going back to a customer service job makes me absolutely ill and I don't think I should have to. Nor do I see the point in spinning my wheels and hating my life for 10$ an hour. What the hell is wrong with this place? There's a time to break free of the easy solution, or soon you're left without a choice. For some reason, people around me believe that I should compromise myself- that I should suck it up and go back to the call center that kept me absolutely and frighteningly angry and depressed for the length of my disastrous call center career. Maybe I haven't given it enough time. With Christmas and New Year's, I suppose it has only been a couple of weeks, but my frustration is nearly overwhelming. I'm considering my options and may just find myself either back in Korea or back in Calgary before long... Is it any wonder people leave here and never come back?

Catholicopoly- Good, Clean Fun With God

Now it's not that I don't think religious people can't have fun. It's just that I'm beginning to question if perhaps what they identify as fun comes from a part of the brain that I seem to lack. Church was always painfully boring for me- and apart from my summer-time Christianity that assured me a summer of water-skiing and horseback riding, I never really got into it. I hated being dragged from my bed- barely conscious, on a perfectly good Sunday morning (which always seemed to have nicer weather than Saturdays) to listen to an old man drone on about heaven and hell and the wrath of God. I came to the conclusion years ago that Catholicism- and perhaps all organized religions, were just not for me.


But lately, my curiosity has been peaked by a string of religious board games recently released. 'Catholicopoly' (obviously based on Monopoly) encourages you to bankrupt your opponents, but in a 'nice, fun way'. This game, quite clearly, is marketed towards all those mafia gambling operations surrounding Monolopoly games. You know the ones- where you sit around playing with seven acquaintances, palms sweating as you bankrupt them one by one in that 'cruel, mean way'. If Catholicism isn't your thing- how about 'Kosherland'? It's plum full of 'crazy, crazy Jewish fun'. The game, based on Candyland is designed to teach children about kosher eating. "David! You mixed meat and milk- back two spaces!" Still not satisfied? 'Race to the Kabah' will teach your child the 99 names for Allah. Imagine all the fun you could have with that. Like a long, drawn-out flash cards game... Mormons, if you were feeling left out, don't despair- there's one for you too! 'Mortality' allows players to collect testimonies that make them stronger. Yet some people (heathens) doubt the efficacy of these games. And the message. Apparently the losing players in some of these games don't reach enlightenment (or heaven). Some wonder about the messages these send to children. Will little Sally think she is forever damned to hell because she landed on Jerusalem and had to pay through the nose? Will Sammy be able to make up for the fact that he only succeeded in building ten churches, to Sally's eighteen cathedrals?

This is what passes as 'crazy, crazy Jewish fun' these days

Why do we need to build churches, even in games?

Alright, I can accept that some people might feel very strongly about Catholicopoly. I'm just not one of them. I've never understood how some sects of Christianity claim that singing and dancing are sins, but I suppose it does help to take the fun out of absolutely everything. But now the Christians have gone after yoga. Yes, that's right. Crazy Christians in middle of nowhere BC are claiming that their public school system is promoting Hinduism by encouraging teachers to use yoga at points throughout the day. Apparently the threat of their children turning to the Hindu faith is more disturbing to these parents than a lifetime of health issues stemming from obesity. Clarity of mind and self-awareness have always been traits that I've linked, perhaps incorrectly, with the 'supernatural power of Satan'. First Harry Potter, then daVinci Code, now yoga. One by one, people are finding a way to suck the fun out of everything.

The Honeymoon is Over

Subway of Seoul - serving 20 million people

The honeymoon period is wearing off and I'm getting antsy. I've been back in Canada a little over a month now and the impulse to run back to Korea gets stronger everyday. Classic case of 'Grass is always greener' syndrome. Everything Montreal seems a little strange. There aren't enough people roaming the streets, but the grocery stores feel sterile under the florescent lighting. The Metro seems filthy and bank machines smelly. My body is adjusting poorly to Canadian foods- craving bibimbap and kimchee (which I keep stocked in my fridge). My head is also getting tired of lazing about the house and searching the web for jobs. I'm beginning to question whether or not I was being too optimistic by saying I would not return to customer service. Although I still feel I shouldn't have to. It's odd how much Montreal has changed, and yet it has stayed so much the same.

In 2006, Montreal...

• Concordia University has finally completed their towering Visual Arts Building

and the Theater Department has taken over the Grey Nuns Convent

• Has wasted an obscene amount of money on machines that accurately count
  

your change on buses- so the days of riding for ten cents less are long gone

• Has extended the hours for meter parking to midnight on week-days and soon enough

will also nix the free parking on Sundays.

• Most cafés, chain or not offers Wireless Internet

• Cinéma du Park closed down & re-opened again

• City Hall voted to rename a historic Montreal street after a man who never lived on it. Park Avenue will soon become Robert Bourassa Boulevard- a move even the Bourassa family objected to. Poor Mordecai Richler must be rolling over in his grave.

• Montreal smokers have long been paying an extra tax to pay for the construction of
  the Big O (built for the 1976 Olympics). Thirty years of smoking has finally paid for the monstrosity which, we expect will soon be torn down.
• In unrelated news, Montreal passed a ban on smoking in restaurants and bars, prompting many smokers to call it quits. Interesting that the ban comes in at the same time as the Big O is finally paid off.
  

Montreal Metro- serving three million people

The adjustment to being home hasn't been easy- but I was well warned. It seems most people who leave experience this same sense of frustration and unease at returning home. I get it even when I return to Calgary to visit. It makes me wonder whether Montreal will be home in the long run, though. Or even Canada for that matter. The endless string of taxes, expenses and over-priced services are pushing me to consider that perhaps I could be happier elsewhere. For the moment I have enough questions on my mind, though- where and when to go back to school, what jobs to consider taking, what countries next to travel... Perhaps I'm getting ahead of myself - Step 1- Find a job...

The Good Old Days

In the good old days, Romans flocked to the Colosseum to watch gladiators fight wild animals and each other to the death. People attended crucifixions for entertainment. Granted there was nothing good on TV at the time. For along time the ultimate form of entertainment was gathering in the town square to watch a hanging. Fortunately, we live in a more enlightened time. Gathering publicly to rejoice in the death of a human being has become... passé. We have become civilized. In the Western world, we may practice capital punishment (not in Canada, we're much too civilized for that) but we minimize the humiliation, the pain, the discomfort. The needle is cleaned before its fluids kill the condemned.

Two years ago, I performed in Our Country's Good (by Timberlake Wertenbaker). The play was about the first penal colonies to Australia and the challenges that they encountered. As we spent a year rehearsing to present this play, we spent a good deal of time delving into the history of the period (1788). We studied the physical condition of these prisoners upon their arrival at Botony Bay. One of the primary questions that Arthur Phillip (Captain in charge of the new colony) dealt with was the question of capital punishment. So the issue of hanging was one that surfaces again and again in the play, and thus was a focus of our studies. The way the body reacts to a hanging is absolutely disgusting- and it blew my mind that anyone would choose to watch it. But again, there was nothing good on TV.

But in this day and age, I just can't get over it. First of all, try as I might to escape the image of a noose around the neck of Saddam Hussein, this has proven to be virtually impossible. You have to be ready to change the channel at every possible second. They keep trying to sneak it in. From what I've heard, I'm sure it's THE video on You Tube at the moment. I seem to be a part of a tiny minority that isn't excited (or at least curious) to witness the grainy video and the death of a dictator. Perhaps the images that formed in my mind as I read stories of failed hanging and all the like have turned me off.

My disgust aside, what really amazes me is how despite all our technology, innovation, social advancements and civility, we have really changed quite little since the time of the gladiators. People still gather together to watch a gruesome, violent death- only now people flock to their computers, a virtual village square. Death still peaks our curiosity because we still haven't solved that question. We are still intrigued by a violent death. As a side note, it's also interesting to note that our sense of humour has also changed very little in the past two thousand years. The Simpsons are characters rooted in Commedia dell'arte (Italy 1700s) and the Greeks laughed just as hard at a huge phallus on stage as we do today (believe it or not, this theory has been tested in at least two plays I've been in). It's nice to know that even though each day we move further and further into an age of computers and electronic toys, that we still hold some things in common with our ancestors.

Pantalone- on whom Mr Burns is based

Mr Burns - note the similarities between his face and the mask of Pantalone.

Happy New Year

The sun rises for the first time in 2006 over the East Sea in South Korea...
though I wasn't there this year, I'm guessing it looked pretty much the same.

In my younger days, I was often forced, against every willful bone in my body- to attend Church on Sundays. It combined three elements that made it absolutely painful for me to sit through- getting out of bed, a boring lecture and a dress. Every Sunday morning, I would find myself in a dreadfully uncomfortable wooden pew in a deep trance that would make me magically aware of the number of candles, flowers and crosses on the altar. Stand up, sit down, kneel. Stand up, sit down, kneel. Prayers mechanically recited. Tyler would poke me and stir me from my trance- I'd realize I was also praying mechanically. Travis asleep on the pew. I was jealous- no one ever let me sleep in Church. Every Sunday was the same. Sometime in the spring, we would leave Church and Dad would ask me what I was giving up for Lent. I would pause. Lent? Hmm... I didn't realize that was coming up so soon. Crap. "Fighting with Tyler," I'd say. "No go? Then I don't know..." By the time I finally came up with an answer to the question of Lent time sacrifices, Lent was nearly over and my sacrifice really didn't cut it anymore. New Year's resolutions were always the same for me. Not that I couldn't keep them- more that I never felt any particular relationship with the new year and I never felt terribly driven to make any resolutions. I think I'm pretty good at doing what I set out to do and making changes as I see fit. I might procrastinate alot on doing the dishes or going Christmas shopping, but I've always been good about changing my situation if I find myself unhappy.

That said, what challenges did I confront in 2006? I moved to Korea, spending a year away from my friends, family and Fred. For the first time in my life, I lived alone- and loved it. I visited Taiwan, Thailand and Laos- thus knocking four countries off the list of places to see. I made some big decisions about my direction with my career and my relationship. I gained some perspective on my finances and stopped thinking about money as though it were impossible to hold onto. I learned the Korean alphabet and started out on the road to having a third language. I tackled my fear of big purchases and finally rewarded myself with a nice laptop, camera and mp3 player.

What awaits me in 2007? Soon enough, my days as a house-girlfriend will run out and I will find myself a job. Presumably a real one. I'm hoping to get some things rolling with acting and writing. At some point this year, I will deal with the huge challenge of seeing Fred toss aside his old pancreas and kidney in favour of newer ones. I'll stand beside Thelma as her maid of honour at her wedding, on my 27th birthday. I hope to take a few small trips in Quebec- maybe even get some canoeing in. And I'll occupy myself with getting my bank account in shape for a trip to India in early 2008.

I'm curious to hear about your plans/resolutions/hopes. Where does 2007 find you? Have you made resolutions? On another note- is anybody else getting too old for New Year's Eve?

Octopus Eats Shark

This video is nuts. Something's gone a little funny with the food chain...