A Tale of Two Cities

I've been doing a lot of thinking this week. Last week's rant on stupidity drew some interesting comments, and I was particularly struck by Diana's comment on my being too hard on Alberta. I'll admit that it did strike me at the time that I should balance it with tales of Montreal's stupidities, but it is hard to top an example like re-electing Ralph Klein again and again and again. At the same rate, Montreal has it's fair share of head spinning idiocies. And all this got me thinking, once again, about Canadian identity. I'm a confused Canadian. Where is home? I've called Montreal home as many times as I've called Calgary home. But before we get to that, I feel that I should introduce these two cities. Montreal and Calgary are so very different, and I love them both in different ways. It's time the two cities met once and for all to examine their differences, and perhaps even their similarities...

Round 1: River

Calgary- Downtown from the Stampede Grounds
Montreal, meet Calgary. The Calgary Tower was once the tallest free standing structure in the world, but then Toronto heard that Calgary had something they didn't. The CN tower went up soon after. Although they call this body of water the Bow River, Calgary, it is time you learnt that it should in fact be called a stream.

Old Montreal from somewhere in the middle of the St Laurence River
Calgary, meet Montreal. The silver topped roof is the Marche Bonsecours, that dates way back to the days of the fur trade. This Calgary, is a river. Complete with some kind of tug boat looking thing in the St Laurent.

Round 2: Mountain

Lake Louise, Alberta
Montreal, I would like to introduce you to mountains. I'm sorry to inform you that Mount Royal does not count, and a t-bar does not a mountain make. As a general rule, if you can take a bus to the top, it is not a mountain.

Montreal- The famous cross on Mount Royal
Calgary, it is clear you don't have a cross at the top of your mountain lit up with thousands of little light bulbs. And even if you did, would it glow purple when the pope died? No, no it wouldn't.

Round 3: Cultural Events

Calgary Stampede- "The Greatest Outdoor Show on Earth"
I was never big on the Stampede, or not on the cowboy events anyway. The best thing about the Stampede is that business slows to a crawl for ten days. Offices don't expect too much work to get done, because most of those days are spent drinking. And eating those little donuts... mmm... those little donuts... The best part of Stampede week is trying to scam as many free breakfasts as you can.

Montreal 's Annual Jazz Fest
Where else in Canada can an unemployed, broke student be entertained for two straight weeks by over 500 free shows from all over the world?

Round 4: Seasons

Calgary -Chinook Arch
Topping the list of things I miss most about Calgary. Chinooks - which are responsible for the occasional 20c day in February. And seeing the sunset over the mountains, not the Ville Marie expressway.

Montreal- Tire d'erable
Given the fact that Montreal is plunged into freezing cold for six months of the year, they have been forced to find ways to enjoy it. The best part about winter are the trips to the Cabane a Sucre- where you're stuffed full of fattening foods and then finish it all off with the tire d'erable. Boiling maple syrup is poured over snow, and you roll it onto a stick and make a big sucker. Mmmm... tire d'erable....

Round 5: Drive-Ins

Calgary- Peter's Drive-In
Number 1 destination for Calgarian teenagers skipping school. Mmmm... Peter's... located conveniently close to the old drive-in.

Montreal- Orange Julep
Peter's might win for best burger, but the Julep wins for architecture- doesn't everyone want to eat at a giant orange?

Round 6: Hockey

Calgary: The Red Mile
As the 2004 hockey season drew to a close, Calgarians flooded 17th Ave SW in an effort to show the country that they didn't always leave downtown after 5pm. The Flames made it to the semi-finals, which as far as I can remember had not happened since they won the Stanley Cup in 1989.

Montreal: Richard Riots
Montrealers are passionate about hockey. So passionate that riots have insued in the streets of Montreal for wins, loses, and even discipline of players. The 1955 hockey season saw the rise of tensions involving the suspension of Rocket Richard. Though Montrealers fill the streets excitedly after wins, there has not been much cause to celebrate their success since 1993.

Round 7: Licence Plate

Alberta licence plate
I'm sure wild roses are beautiful, but I don't think roses when I think Alberta. Perhaps they should try Rat-Free Country instead. Or Move Here and We'll Send You Cheques!

Quebec licence plate
Ask ten people from Quebec what 'Je me souviens' refers to, and they'll all give you a different answer. I recently read that it is part of a French poem that begins, Je me souviens, que ne sous le lys, je crois sous la rose (I remember, born under the lily, raised under the rose).

Round 8: Premier vs Premier Ministre

Albertan Premier Ralph Klein
Stupid is as stupid does. Charming, isn't he?

Premier Ministre du Quebec- Jean Charest
Coincidentally, there is no French word for Premier, so Jean Charest is the Prime Minister of Quebec. I expect Jean Charest will be not remembered for leading the Liberals to a victory in Quebec for the first time in nearly thirty years. Instead, he will be remembered as the man who ensured it would be another thirty years before they were re-elected. And for driving a record number of Anglophones to vote for the coke-head running the Parti Quebecois. Among his ever-so well thought out changes, he cut 100 million dollars from the student loans and bursaries program- an act which led to student strikes across the province.

Round 9: Beer

Calgary- Big Rock & Molson Canadian
Beer is an important part of any Canadian province. My memories of Big Rock products are a little hazy, but at least you can buy Canadian beer in Alberta.

Quebec: Boreale & Molson Export
Mmm... Boreale Doree... I wonder what my chances are of finding Boreale Doree in Korea? I guess the Molson family didn't want to provoke anyone, so Canadian beer is widely referred to as Export in Quebec, and that's just no good.

Round 10: Relaxation

Kananaskis Country, Alberta
Winter, spring, summer or fall Calgarians head out to the mountains to rest on week-ends. Personally, I'm not so into the winter camping, but there's nothing better than snowboarding in a t-shirt during a chinook.

Montreal- Sunday Tam-tams
Out with the old and in with the new. Montrealers used to flock to Churches on Sundays, but now young and old, English and French, drunk and sober- everyone meets at the base of the mountain to relax, dance, play football and listen to the drums.

That's it for introductions. Montreal has met Calgary, and Calgary has met Montreal. I have recently been accused of being hard on Alberta, but let's face it- Alberta can take it. I moved to Calgary at nine years old, and have few memories of Grande Prairie (5 hours north of Edmonton). As I remember it, my brothers and I experienced culture shock in moving to the big city. Our first trip to South Center was one I'll never forget. My brothers, never having seen as escalator before, thought it was part of an amusement park and spent a good half hour riding it up and down. In Calgary, everything seemed so far away, and I wondered why trips to the doctor no longer included West Edmonton Mall. When we'd lived in Grande Prairie, we would have to make the trip to Edmonton to see specialists, which happened often enough with my bad feet and Tyler's epilepsy. But when we moved to Calgary, the trips to Edmonton came to a sudden stop. Calgary had swimming pools with waves and a Stampede that my parents never really got into, and thus neither did I. Up until I was fourteen, my Calgary was restricted to the SW. Everything I needed to do and all the people I knew could be visited without venturing across the river to the North. I had heard tales of horrible drug busts, murders and muggings in the NE. At fifteen, when I started high school at Bishop Carroll, my Calgary was forced to include some of these far off areas. I suddenly had friends who lived in Bowness and Forest Lawn. I soon discovered downtown Calgary, which had largely been a mystery until that year. I soon became an expert on all things downtown, a natural meeting place when your friends are scattered across a sprawling city. I discovered the little shops of Stephen Avenue, the cafes of Kensington and the diversity of 17th Ave. I enjoyed discovering Calgary, but quickly enough, things would start to get to me. My friends and I soon realized that Calgary Transit sucked. And it still does. None of us had ridiculously early curfews, but Calgary Transit did it's part to impose one on us. I wanted a car, needed a car- and it was the first sign of frustrations to come. My first apartment was close to my parents houses, in the relative safety of SW Calgary. I had signed the lease for the first apartment I saw, fearful of this housing crises I had heard so much about. After that year, I moved downtown and I loved it. I felt at home. There was nowhere I couldn't rollerblade and I didn't need a bus pass. By this time, I had been scooping popcorn under the alias of Phelixx for over a year (an alias acquired both to maintain my sanity and to provoke my boss who was forever subject to my rants about the inhumanity of being forced to wear a name tag). I was living with two IMAXers + one of their boyfriend's, + one of my creepy ex-boyfriends, and all was well for a time. Then things changed. Things became heated with my roomates, even disturbing if you will. Proof of their sexual escapades was evident throughout the house. The house swayed ever so slightly at night, accompanied by loud banging noises from above. The bathroom we shared played host to mysteries I wished I had never discovered. Our arrangement lasted one month and soon one IMAXer + boyfriend moved out of the house, and they were replaced by one 'Rageful Scott'. Suddenly it seemed we had an open door policy at the house, and people began to approach me at the bar, asking if they lived with me. And usually they did. In any case, I was well established downtown at this point and I had started hanging out with the infamous Rob. So Rob and I got an apartment and moved in together- downtown of course. We had our spots- the Night Gallery, Vicious Circle and VanGogh's among the favourites. I left Calgary shortly there after, and when I go back, things just aren't the same. Maybe this is why I feel some resentment towards Calgary. The Night Gallery, the Republik, VanGogh's, the Loose Moose Theatre, even the IMAX have shut down. For me, Calgary is not Calgary without the Night Gallery. And of course, we've gotten older. People have moved away, gotten married, had kids. But my Calgary just isn't the same. I feel out of place when I'm back. A city I knew so well has changed so much. Highways have been moved, new train stations built. Communities I've never heard of have sprung up on what used to be the outskirts of the city, but now seems relatively close to downtown. Aspen Estates, Cougar Ridge, Clear Water Point- these are not part of my Calgary. The train line for my Calgary only goes as far south as Anderson and as far north as Brentwood. Though Dalhousie exists in my Calgary, there is no train station there. I resent the fact that Calgary has grown and changed so much. I wonder what right it has. I've met two people here in Korea who had recently lived in Calgary, and both of them lived in communities I had never heard of. This is not my Calgary. It's hard to feel at home in a city that has shut down everything you loved about it. But it goes deeper than the infrastruture, it affects the way we think and the way we live. But I'll get to that.

In order for me to see how Calgary no longer fit, I needed some distance. Montreal to Calgary was a pretty safe distance, so there I went. And again, within my own country, I experienced culture shock. I spoke the language and I had visited Montreal before, but this was different. Everything was different. There was an air to the city that I had never felt in a western Canadian city. Being the sort of person who strives to keep her life as difficult as possible, this move was no exception. I arrived in Montreal and began acting in a show at the Fringe Festival. I had it all planned out. I was living with the producer of the show, who I had met during my time at the University of Calgary. I was staying on his couch, and would sublet his room for the summer when he went to Ireland the following week. But of course, it didn't unfold this way. There was a very complicated falling out when his craziness got us booted from the festival and the entire cast blacklisted. The Montreal Gazette covered the story with great interest and soon I received an email from my friend Kenny informing me that a google search of my name had turned up some interesting material. Crazy man had taken the show to the internet and had set up sites slandering his actors for not supporting his insanities. He emailed my professors at Concordia to warn them about me. He began stalking us. By my third day in Montreal, I moved in with the director of the show, who I had known only three days. I failed to put my parents' minds at ease when I called them both asking for legal advise, less than a week into my stay in Montreal. The follow-up on their advise was even more shocking. As I placed the first of many calls to the Montreal police, the receptionist asked me what my call was concerning. I started to explain, but she interrupted and said, "Car Stories? Ooooh, hold the line." They had dedicated an officer to dealing with the Car Stories ordeal. To make a long story a little shorter, I had a quick and painful introduction to Montreal and the theatre community. I pressed on, if for no other reason than the fact that I was broke and couldn't afford a plane ticket home. I was applying for jobs, but having trouble securing one. On my resume, I had indicated that I had worked in Calgary, and without fail, I would see people cast aside my resume after asking me about my time in Calgary. Though I had just completed the interview in French without a problem, I was being told that if I was from Calgary it was impossible I would speak French well enough to work in Montreal. So I experimented. The name on my resume was altered to Stephanie Bogue and all references to Calgary were removed. Lone behold, I got the first job I applied for. But there were other issues. As bad as the housing crisis was (and continues to be) in Calgary, it's still nothing compared to trying to find an apartment after Moving Day. To be fair, I had been warned about this Montreal phenomenon, but it was simply the most ridiculous thing I'd ever heard and I refused to believe it was true. Having now experience four Moving Days, I assure you- the tradition lives on. After weeks of calling and having no luck finding an apartment, I finally had the chance to see one in St-Henri. The landlord was in the middle of renovations (renovations that would never be completed), but I had no choice. I was starting school in five days and had nowhere to live. I spent the better part of this year argueing with the landlord, who had removed the bathroom sink and took two months to put it back. He also felt that doors were superfluous and had removed most of them with little consideration for the fact I was living with two men. The time I wasn't spending fighting my landlord, I was is the student loans centre. Both Concordia and the Quebec Government are infamous for their love of red tape, so you can just imagine the combination of the two of them. It was a nightmare. At last the school year ended and I took to the streets to find a job. And had horrible luck at it that summer. But all was not lost, I had taken on two new roomates, Fajer and Lucas, both actors at Concordia, and it was looking like it would be an interesting year. A few weeks following my first Moving Day experience, Fajer introduced me to Fred. I still haven't forgiven him. Montreal changed for me after that. I had people to lean on and help me out. Fred stood by me and helped me out at every turn. Fajer and Lucas helped out as well- listening to my rants and feeding me. Were it not for the three of them, it would have been another year of 99 cent pizza.

My introduction to the two cities was as different as they are and says alot about each of them. With the economic boom in Alberta, I had never wanted for a job. I thought it was the same anywhere. The idea of struggling to find a job was so foreign to me, I was in complete shock when I arrived in Montreal. But it's easier to be a broke and struggling student in Montreal. You can walk everywhere you need to go. There are resources set up at the University to help you. Many people are in the same situation as you. In Calgary it's hard to struggle. You are surrounded by money- it oozes out from all around you and many have lost touch with what it means to have it, or not to have it. Because rent is still quite expensive in Calgary and a car is a necessity, not a luxury, many of my friends stayed at home until they completed their University, or after. Nothing wrong with that, of course- and sometimes I wonder if I would have done the same had I seen the road that lay ahead. But University is a different experience if you're not worried about making 20$ last two weeks. Or wondering when and if your student loans will come through. Most students in Montreal have come from other parts of the country, or the world. Few students live at home during their education, so many understand money troubles. Concordia provides a hot free vegan lunch every day, for anyone who shows up. The student centre provides emergency loans on a regular basis. These services are necessary in Montreal, but unheard of in Calgary. Because students in Calgary stay at home for school, they graduate largely debt-free. Tuition is not the expensive part, really- it's the living expenses. And so Calgarians get a bit of a head start- graduate debt free, save some money and then buy a condo, or a car. Montrealers graduate and get a break for six months before they start paying back their students loans. I wouldn't trade the experiences I've had and the things that I've learned, but it is difficult all the same. There is nothing that makes you feel as though you're losing the money game like a trip to Calgary. The issue of money is a big one, but again, it goes deeper than that. Values. Montreal used to be the business centre of Canada. It was home to many head offices and all was well. But along came the infamous Bill 101, and things changed. Business left, people left and now Montreal's biggest industries are the sex trade and telemarketing. It's easy to shake your head and wonder why they would make such a sacrifice, but I think it's admirable. Culture over cash. Montreal has culture, and Calgary has cash. Montreal could have had the cash, but didn't want to lose it's culture. It had different values. Complain as we might about the state of affairs in Montreal, fact is it wouldn't be such a great city without the culture. That's what makes it Montreal. Calgary is still such a young city. Perhaps in years to come values will be examined and things will eventually change. Calgary is a beautiful city, but I would love to see a play that is not supported by big business. I want to see the re-opening of the world famous Loose Moose theatre before I could ever call Calgary home. How could a city let their most famous artistic contribution close down because they couldn't afford the rent in their over-priced neighbourhood, that they helped revive?

For all the pros and cons of both cities, my ideal home rests somewhere in between (no, not Winnipeg). I need the culture of Montreal alongside the Rockies. I need to hear English, French, Arabic, Spanish, Korean, Greek and Russian when I wander the streets, but I want to pay Alberta tax. I want to hear Church bells when I leave my apartment, but I want to see the mountains on my way to work. I want to buy my beer at the depanneur, but after 11pm I want to call dial-a-bottle. I want to get frequent buyer points on the pot that's delivered to my door, but I don't want to buy from the Hells' Angels. I want to spend more than a week a year with my friends in Calgary, but I don't want to be subject to the manners (or lack there of) of the average Calgarian man. I want to enjoy the freedom of being young, but I don't want to be judged because I don't have a car, a career, a condo or kids. I don't want my tax money to support the operation of the Office de la Langue Francaise, I want it to go to health care so we don't have to wait six months for an MRI to be performed in the hallway of a crowded hospital. I don't want to marry a woman, but I don't want to live in a province that believes it's wrong. I don't want to have children, and I don't want to live in a province that still believes encouraging women to reproduce will eventually lead to the separation of Quebec. I want to speak French in Calgary without being called a separatist. My national holiday is Canada Day and I don't want to spend it moving.