Meditations on Stupidity

Most of us intelligent, slightly bitter people, are quick to point fingers at the dummies that surround us. Some of you will probably admit to this upfront. Good for you, no one likes a dummy. Others among us, however, pride ourselves on being non-judgemental. We choose to forget the times we’ve uttered these insulting words, either at the top of our lungs or under our breath. But let’s face it, sometimes it’s well deserved. It’s an epidemic, it’s contagious, and we’re surrounded. On the streets, in our cars, at our jobs. What gives me the right to declare our world full of idiots, you ask? Ten years of customer service, that’s what. I’ve earned the right. I’ve answered one too many stupid questions with a (nearly) straight face and refrained from slapping one too many customers. I’m not talking about school smarts, I’m talking common sense. Alberta, for instance, is overrun by idiots. Before you get offended- think about it. I am twenty-five years old, and I spent eighteen years of my life in Alberta – split between Grande Prairie and Calgary. I do not remember a time before Ralph Klein. I’m not one to believe that there is a direct correlation between education and intelligence, however… Ralph Klein dropped out of high school and went on to become a sports writer for Calgary’s sleazy tabloid paper. This wasn’t good enough for ol’ Ralph though. So he ran for mayor of Calgary, and then Premier of Alberta. All without a high school education. Were he intelligent, I might praise him on his accomplishments, but in fact it’s simply baffling. We know for a fact the man is a drunk who beats his wife. But Albertans smile proudly and say “Oh Ralph,” as though he were a five year old who spilled his milk again. Six years ago, Ralph walked into a homeless shelter, wasted, tossing money around and shouting at all who could hear that they should find jobs. But Albertans went back to the polls, and still they wanted more Ralph. Shortly after, Ralph was expelled from Athabasca University for plagiarism. The man responsible for raising my tuition year after year was expelled from University. Now doesn’t that just explain it. The man has a profound disrespect for education. Educated people in theory would make educated choices. And an educated choice would mean voting for anyone but Ralph. And then one fateful rainy day, Ralph was pied at the Stampede. Now most Canadian politicians have taken the cream pie as a right of passage and laughed it off. But not our friend Ralph. Assault charges filed, and his attacker spent time in jail. I’m proud to say that I went to high school with said attacker. Though shalt honour thy Premier. But I digress, it’s easy to point fingers at Alberta. There are enough Albertans sufficiently stupid to re-elect this man time and time again. Alberta is a place where stupidity runs rampant, or so it would seem. But let's be honest, there are plenty of other offenders. Take for instance, Alberta's big brother, our neighbours, the Americans. Ralph and George share a similar sort of questionable authority. And this got me thinking…

Have you ever stopped to consider that maybe, just maybe, it is in fact us who are the dumb ones? Maybe these so-called dummies are in fact incredibly intelligent, highly talented actors and they have us fooled. Maybe the tables are turned and they get together on Friday for post-work beers and have a good laugh about how we’re buying it. I’m beginning to believe that this is in fact the way the world works. There is simply no other explanation. As we confronted my boss this week about some points in our contract that he seems to have taken liberty with, I suppressed laughter. His ridiculous explanations and lame excuses were almost as pathetic as the stories a drunk teenager would try to feed his parents. But as it was revealed that we were considering accepting employment elsewhere, he feigned shock. Faked it so well, it seems that he momentarily fooled my partner teacher, Leslie. That is, until I pointed out that were he really scared, he would have jumped at the opportunity to give us what we were asking for. And I thought- maybe he’s had us fooled all along. In the past, his lame attempts to cover holes in the contract and his sketchy management of the school were attributed to his stupidity and lack of creativity. He is after all, an accountant- created in an enormous Samsung factory which spawns thousands upon thousands of identical Stewie Griffin-like number crunchers. He understands numbers, and on the surface his skills appear to end at this. But I’m beginning to wonder if we’ve sold him short. Maybe, just maybe- it's all part of a clever ruse to make us feel sorry for him. Perhaps it’s easier to play dumb so people get frustrated talking to you and eventually just give up altogether. Between his poor English and my embarrassingly limited Korean, we can barely communicate as it is. Throw in a façade of stupidity and I barely want to say hello for fear that it might lead to a painfully exhausting conversation. Like Reg, who sits in the corner of the office for moral support, but refuses to open his mouth as we question my boss as to why we are not getting the health insurance that was promised to us in our contracts.

Consider this idea. Maybe every idiot you’ve met in your life has just been playing with you to frustrate and annoy you beyond belief. Maybe it’s all about giving you a story for later. Maybe the world around us has been manipulated and we are in fact at the bottom of the intelligence scale. Maybe our Friday evening rants at the bar are set-ups, entertainment for the tables that surround us, as the dummies pat each other on the back and congratulate themselves on yet another successful week. Because let’s face it. Is it really possible for people to be this dumb?