As Soon As I Could Talk, I Was Ordered To Listen

I am about to reveal something here that I am not sure I've told any of you before. So please keep it to yourselves. Here it goes - I've been exhausted since I got here. At first, I thought- it's just jet lag- it'll pass... but it didn't. Then I thought- it's just that I'm getting used to working with kids again- well now I'm used to it and I'm still tired. The other day, I came to the shocking realization that I am tired because everything I do takes such effort!! I have not ranted about the frustrations of not speaking Korean in quite some time, and I want to assure you that the problem has not passed. Despite all my wishes- I have yet to wake up, magically fluent in this strange language. The computers at work only have Korean windows installed - so everything I need to do on the computer becomes a bit of an ordeal - from cutting and pasting to deciphering the continuous stream of error messages that appear because the computers have gone to hell and my boss is too cheap to replace them. Same goes for the photocopier. I gave up trying to understand my washing machine at home- and I suspect that I've been washing my clothes in cold water as a result. The thermostat appeared far too complicated to even bother with- as it controls both the hot water and the heat... so I've simply turned it off until I need the hot water. If I leave it on, the temperature in the apartment inevitably climbs to 40 degrees and I have to open up the windows. When I went to refill my bus pass (bus passes here are recyclable plastic cards that you refill with money- to get into the subway you just swipe it by a sensor and it takes the money off...) - the machine ate my money and didn't put any credit on the card. But I can't communicate this, so I sucked it up and paid the thieving machine a second time. And most recently, my boss okayed me doing acting work during my time in Seoul. And so began the search for an agent. Well, my searches online proved pointless. Why in the world would anything come up in English when I search for agents in Korea? Seoul is a city that is trying so very hard to make foreigners feel at home- they go out of their way to do so. I was able to email city hall and they got back to me with a list of acting agents in Seoul. I was super excited. Could it be that easy? Nope. It couldn't. As I looked up all their websites, I discovered that only one of these agencies had an English website. So deciphering an address for which to send my headshots and resumes proved impossible. So I emailed. I feel digustingly unprofessional, but what other option is there? At least an email address is always easy to figure out...

As I was saying about the city's efforts to make foreigners (or at least their teachers, I doubt the same support is extended to the military) feel at home. Taxis are equipped with an English translation service- where the driver can call into the switchboard to have someone translate if need be. They hate to use it though. In fact, the Parisian man aside - the only jerks I've encountered here have been cab drivers. There is also a service- I think this is brilliant. If you're having trouble communicating in Korean, there is a number you can dial that will prompt you for your language- you press whatever - 1 for English 2 for Chinese - that whole deal- and your call is transferred to a Korean volunteer who speaks your language and will translate for you. For a country much less diverse than Canada, they've sure got it figured out. Seoul is littered with tourist information centres where the staff speak English- and as I said, if all else fails- email city hall and they'll write you back.

I had a class of three olds start the other day - can you imagine teaching three years to read to begin with? Now try teaching three year olds that don't speak your language! Ridiculous!! Apparently the new craze in Korea is for pregnant mothers to listen to English voice tapes, in hopes that their children will be born a step ahead of the other kids at the 500$/month kindergarten they will be forced to attend soon after their birth. In any case- these three years are not yet able to hold scissors. I taught them the other day, and nearly had a heart attack when the youngest girl began screaming at the top of her lungs and hitting herself in the face with her scissors. God knows it'll be my fault if the dumb kid loses an eye. One of the few random Korean words I have learnt is "Don't do that" - which in my case is a very important one to know. I got her to stop, but then she nearly cut her fingers off with similar nonsense. I'm beginning to think that the only reason for Korean age being +2 years over Canadian is so that Koreans can send their kids to school that much earlier and not feel bad about it. On average, I drag my Korean partner teacher into the class five times in forty minutes to explain to the kids don't do this or that, stop crying, no you're not sick- I know you want your mom- but... It's ridiculous. So for anyone who may be thinking about teaching in Korea- it is important to know that if your job says you are teaching kindergarten- that means three and four year olds. I'd advise staying away from the three year olds, as I may just tear my hair out any day now...

This past week, my interest has been sparked in the Korean arts scene. Because of a particular good band or poignant movie? Not at all. More because I can't imagine where Korea would be without the few artists they have. I passed out 101 Dalmatians coloring sheets to my five year olds last week, who unanimously refused to color the dogs because dalmatians are white. I told them to pretend that they were pink, they replied that they couldn't because in life, the dogs are really white. Its interactions like this- with five years olds, that lead me to believe that there are huge problems in this country. When I step onto the subway at 9am- and without fail, every morning I am surrounded by men who smell as though they bathed in soju that morning, I wonder what place the arts hold in Korean society. Or for that matter- spontaneous, unorganized recreation. I suspect that overall Koreans see art as superfluous- as an artist is unlikely to make it to the top ranks at Samsung or LG. But I can't imagine a society more deeply in need of some passive enjoyment. Or active enjoyment for that matter. It occured to- or more accurately- hit me like a ton of bricks a few weeks ago when I realized that I had not seen even one Korean with facial piercings. No crazily dyed hair. No goth Koreans. As a matter of fact, it is a huge relief to see a girl on the subway in pants, and that alone seems to be subversive enough. I think their obsession with Louis Vitton and Prada is really just another example of a lack of creativity. Independant thought is not particularly valued here. Anyway- back to the arts- Koreans are very proud of their traditional mask dances - but I wonder if they actually find any value in watching it- if there are aspects of it that actually touches them- or are they at a complete loss when it comes to creativity? Do Koreans attend artistic events simply so they can say they did? I went to a Matisse exhibit at the Contemporary Museum of Art a few weeks ago and was shocked to realize that Koreans don't even know how to look at art. There was an enormous single file line that wrapped around the entire exhibit. And god help you if you were to break the pace of that line. No one stopped to look at this painting or that, they simply glanced and kept walking- ensuring that they were advancing at the same rate as all those around them. I refused to participate in this line. I walked against the line. I budded in and refused to move when I was interested in a painting, regardless of how many angry Koreans were trying to push me past it. It's a sad state of affairs when you can't allow yourself to enjoy an exhibit that you dragged all your children to, just to stand in line and say that you were there. Is this a direct result of schooling from the age of three, I wonder? Being told that there is a right and a wrong way to do everything from such a young age? It snowed the other day, for only the fourth time this winter- and the first time any of it stayed on the ground. The poor kids were staring out the window all day- and at one point even asked me if I could break the windows and let them outside. But their parents pay good money to have them sit in a chair and learn to speak English. No matter how much they whine and cry- these kids will not be allowed to play outside, which I think is a crime. It's amazing that a country so far ahead in innovation can be so void of creativity. I'm convinced that it is the country's artists who are responsible for the advances of technology- because someone has to be thinking ahead - and it's definitely not the general public. And I suppose they would be unemployed and more broke than the average artist if they were to pursue their love of writing/singing/acting or what have you. A stiffled people, although there are signs that cracks are appearing in the facade... there could be a rush of artists bursting into the community at any moment... Let's hope.

Here's what I don't get. Playing is a definite no-no for five years. You are supposed to be ready to sit at your desk for x amount of hours and study, at the age of three. No matter how much these kids whine, they will not be let out to play in the snow. But they go home and cry to their parents that they don't want to speak English and their parents quickly switch them over to a Korean school. Why are these parents so whipped? Whine and cry I did when my parents pulled me out of the English school on the corner of my street (complete with indoor gardens, trampolines, and swimming pools- who wouldn't cry?) and tossed me into French school. But had they pulled me out when I complained about it, I would definetely regret it now. What good is your child's American citizenship if he can't speak English? What message are you sending to your kids when they call the shots at five? These children will be terrors when they get older. My first battle with the kids when I started teaching them was to get them to stop tattling. There is nothing more annoying than being on break and having some bratty kid come running into the office screaming "Sally is speaking Korean!". After months of making them feel stupid everytime they did this - with responses like "Oh my god, are you bleeding? Did Sally break your arm when she spoke Korean? Did she pull your hair when she spoke Korean? No? Then why are you telling me?" - it has stopped. There was about a minute of silence. Then the whining began- which I personally see as a direct result of their parents jumping at their every command. I have one girl in my class of five years olds who cries everyday. She's been coming to the school for two years and still cries everyday. So we're all fed up and we ignore her when she's crying. Well a few weeks ago- she cried so hard (saying that her ears hurt- but that's her excuse whenever she doesn't want to do phonics) that mom bought her a dog. Yes, that's right. Mommy got in her big, beautiful car and came rushing down to the school to stop little Cathy from crying by getting her a dog. Good going, Mom. I bet she learned her lesson. Probably why she cried so damn hard last week when she broke her pencil crayon. Sorry- I'm done my rant now. I have no patience for adults who are spoiled, and even less, it seems for kids. But I guess that's what you get for accepting a job at an over-priced private school.

Anyway- in other news- I won yet another battle with my boss this week. Air conditioning was installed in my apartment on Saturday and I won the right to do acting work (which I need his permission for, according to immigration rules). I say battle, but in reality I think he's learned that it's easier to just give me what I want than to argue. It cost him alot of money to get me here, and he's fully aware that if he doesn't keep me happy- I could easily jump ship and find a better job. And he'd be stuck with all the costs of bringing over another teacher... which isn't cheap. And so, the boss made the Princess happy and now she can sleep well at night knowing that her she can take a hot shower in her cockroach-free apartment- which will be nice and cool in the midst of the disgustingly humidity that is just around the corner- and if the Princess should fall down a flight of stairs and break her arm because Sally was speaking Korean- at least she knows it will all be covered by health insurance.